What To Do In An Unhealthy Relationship

September 6, 2014
Author: KLTBrown

So you’ve searched the internet looking for information to determine if you are really in an unhealthy relationship and found out that you are. Now that you have admitted that you are in an unhealthy relationship, what do you do now? Well, there’s not a lot of information out there on the internet about that. You’ll find plenty of information about the cause and effects of an unhealthy relationship. You’ll find plenty of information about identification and prevention, but where is the information about what to do about it?

In this post I will provide you with the simple answer to this complex question; What do I do now? In any relationship whether a dating relationship, a marriage relationship, a business relationship, or even a friendship relationship you have 3 simple choices. These choices can involve complex plans of action, they can be grounds for obtaining professional help and counseling, and they can be the cause of intense stress and anxiety. In the grand scheme of things these choices are made whether consciously or subconsciously. As a matter of fact, these choices are made everyday sometimes without even realizing it.

So, what are these three choices that need to be made now that I realize I am in an unhealthy relationship? Well, to keep it simple I refer to them as this: (1) Stay and Pay, (2) Change it or Fix it, and (3) Leave it and Nix it. I will remind you that whatever choice you make, it will require some level of work to successfully accomplish it. There is no easy way out. So the decision comes down to how much work are you willing to do. Everyone is different and every relationship has it’s differences. So what might be easy for one person to do may be extremely hard for someone else. So you must make a decision based on YOU and YOUR relationship. As always, I recommend seeking out counseling, if required, to help you deal with the choice you have made.

So lets look at the first choice, “Stay and Pay”. This means you are willing to stay in the relationship, just as it is, and pay the consequences, whatever they may be. This is the default decision of most who are unwilling to seek out and explore other options. It may seem like it’s the easiest solution however, it may prove to be the most costly solution, emotionally, physically, and socially. After making this initial decision, as most do, you will find that there is a limit to what you are willing to put up with and once that limit is reached, whatever that is, you will seek out other options. Of course we hope that this limit is reached before irreversible damage is done or the situation becomes life threatening.

The second choice is “Change it or fix it”. This is the choice of many who are committed to make the relationship work and understand the value of having a healthy relationship with their partner. Where many go wrong is assuming that they can somehow change their partner and by doing fix the relationship. Please understand that you can not change your partner. You can HELP your partner to change ONLY if they want to change. The key is that the partner must WANT to change. To fix the relationship, your partner must want to fix the relationship. It takes the effort of two to make a healthy relationship. One person cannot do it alone. So you must work to identify the cause of the unhealthy relationship and help your partner to see, understand, and commit to fixing the problem. This is where the work comes in and this is where counseling is extremely valuable. The good thing about this choice is that if your plan of attack is successful you will build and even stronger relationship with your partner.

The last choice is “Leave it and Nix it”. This may be the best option if 1) you don’t want to stay and pay the consequences, 2) You don’t want to work to fix the relationship or your partner does not want to change or fix the relationship, and 3) you feel you’d be better off leaving and starting over again with another partner or under different circumstances. For some this is the hardest choice to make because of the physical and emotional attachments and the logistics of separating from your partner. Many people have tried to leave only to find themselves pulled back into the relationship by a manipulative partner who takes advantage of their internal weakness. This can also escalate to an abusive situation when the partner feels threatened that you are leaving. So, this choice must be made considering the possible consequences and considering the level of your determination to leave. If you do make this choice always remember that this is not necessarily the end of chances to develop a healthy relationship with your partner, it can also be a necessary reset to your relationship to enable you to restart it under better terms and conditions. The key to successful implementation of this option is to be willing to put the relationship behind you and not carry the baggage of it into your future relationships.

Finally, what ever decision you make be willing to stand by your decision and not let others on the outside of the relationship or your partner cause you to doubt, question, or change your decision. Remember you must live with your decisions and you, and you only, know what’s best and what’s good for you.



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