Relationship Issues: You’re A Control Freak! Stop It!
I had a very interesting discussion with a co-worker about a newly formed relationship she was having with a new boyfriend and some relationship issues she was dealing with. Here’s the situation she described to me. Does this sound familiar to any of you?
After a few weeks of successful dating and a receiving good indications that the relationship was going somewhere she invited him over for dinner at her place. When he arrived she immediately made him feel comfortable while she went into the kitchen to finish preparing the meal. However, after numerous offers to assist in the kitchen were refused he began to look around the room and walk around the house looking at all the pictures and momento’s she had collected over the years. At this, she became so irritated and constantly reminded him not to touch anything or move anything and to just sit there until dinner is ready.
After a few minutes of silence, he got up and entered the kitchen to see what she was doing and immediately she yelled at him to go sit down and wait till the food is ready. To her surprise he blurted out these words: “I know what your problem is. You’re a control freak! Stop it!” Then immediately he left the kitchen.
At this she was totally shocked but to her surprise she didn’t have a response at all! She thought about what he said and for the first time she realized that in fact, he was right. Over time and as a result of being by herself for so long, she had developed into a control freak. She felt compelled to dictate what can be done in her own house. She could not stand to think that someone is moving or changing anything in her house. God forbid someone pick up something or move something and not put it back exactly the way it was.
As she stood in the middle of her immaculate kitchen with everything in perfect order, she realized she needed to change. Especially if she wanted to continue to move forward with the relationship. She realized she needed to control her anxiety about things that are not as important and they may seem at that moment. So from that moment on she began to make a conscious effort not to be so stuck on her rigid routines, and schedules; and demands to have everything exactly as she wants it. But to be more tolerant and forgiving and not so uptight about little things that are non essential.
Maybe you have the same issue with control and may not realize it. Maybe you have let it ruin or disrupt your relationships with others. Maybe you haven’t run into the person who is bold enough to tell you “You’re a control Freak! Stop it!”. Remember this relationship advice, no one enjoys being in a relationship with a control freak. Your constant anxiety about little things that really don’t matter will ultimately drive your partner away from you. If you are unsure about whether this is your issue here’s a site that may help you determine if you are a control freak: 8 Signs You’re a Control Freak
If you find that you have these tendencies, here are 10 quick tips to control it so that it doesn’t cause you to have similar relationship issues.
- Practice listening to others, considering what they like, the ways they like to do things and learning from them.
- Controllers may think they’re doing nothing but good and being helpful. Unfortunately, other people don’t always see your actions and words in that light. Learn to be true to ourselves, all the while learning how to live happily with others.
- Begin to let” other people do things their way—and to observe and learn, while staying silent about the “better” way they might be doing it.
- In practice, perfection isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Not if you care about your relationships.
- Control your expectations. Expecting perfection in others is a good way to lose friends and alienate colleagues.
- Let other people decide on their own, without your help. It’s OK to present your ideas; it’s not OK to be forceful or insistent about them.
- Learn to “Go with the flow” and not rock the boat.
- Expend your energy working with others, not working to control them.
- Relinquishing control is as rewarding and as powerful as taking control.
- “Being right is highly overrated. Even a stopped clock is right twice a day.” ~ Unknown
Hope it helps,
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Tags: Control Freak, Relationship Advice, relationship issues
