Thinking about marriage or getting serious in your relationship? Here are three things you must know about yourself and about your partner if you’re serious about taking the next step.
1) The first thing you need to know is your temperament and personality style and that of your partner. A simple relationship compatibility test will do for starters. It’s important to understand what things excite you and what things excite your partner. You need to know what motivates you and your partner so you don’t spend your time pushing buttons that don’t work and expecting your buttons to be pushed. Everyone is different and you must be able to adjust yourself to your partner’s temperament without getting frustrated. If you are a person who likes drama, romance and classic movies you need to know if your partner has the same taste. They may like action, adventure and sci-fi movies that excite them. Knowledge is everything. If you know it, then you can deal with it accordingly and not take it personal if your partner doesn’t appreciate your movies. Then you can properly balance your activities so that they are enjoyed by both parties. A good book on this subject is “Personality Plus” by Florence Littauer.
2) The next thing is a good understanding of your learning and teaching styles and your individual focus levels. Everyone doesn’t learn and teach the same way. There are many people who are active learners and teachers and find it much easier to absorb information what they are active, moving, or stimulated in some way. Many times you find these people with the TV on or playing music while they read or study and always fidgeting with something. To some they may seem hyperactive but to them they are just doing what comes natural for them. Others will require total silence and stillness in order to focus or concentrate. They have a hard time dealing with distractions while they are engaged in something. So it’s important to determine what your learning style is and the style of your partner so you don’t irritate each other. It may be that you need separate rooms to study in or a nice pair of headphones so you can avoid distracting each other. Whatever you do, don’t try to force the other person to convert to your style. It just won’t work.
3) Lastly you must know your love language and the love language of your partner. People express and receive love in different ways. Many great healthy relationships are ruined because the partners don’t understand the love language of their mate. The five love languages are best described in the book “The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman: Quality Time, Words of Affirmation, Gifts, Acts of Service, Physical Touch. In order to express heartfelt love and commitment to your mate you must speak their language. Expressions of love in a way that they don’t understand are simple a waste of time. If you learn to speak and understand the unique languages of love and know what language your partner speaks you can effectively express your love as well as feel truly loved in return.
