Relationship Advice for the Overworked and Underpaid
Have you ever thought seriously about the amount of effort you are putting into making your relationship work? Do you find yourself working extra hard to keep things going while you observe your partner coasting through it? If so, you may be or you may soon find yourself overworked and underpaid in your relationship. This leads quickly to relationship burnout and emotional frustration. Here’s some relationship advice for the overworked and underpaid that will help you avoid burnout and frustration.
The first thing you must understand is that the relationship should be a two way street. No one person should take all the responsibility for keeping things alive and exciting. What most people forget is that if you start off providing all the energy, excitement, and enthusiasm in your relationship you may be on the hook to provide it for the duration of the relationship. When you stop providing the fuel to the relationship the fire may just go out.
So think about that early in the relationship and look for the early warning signs that you may be in a one-sided relationship that will leave you overworked and underpaid. Also take note if you are the partner to a person who is doing all the work in your relationship and you are not doing your part to reciprocate their efforts. This is a sure sign of a dead end relationship.
Be aware that everyone is different and everyone does not have the same personality and ability to fuel the relationship in the same way. Maybe they have an introverted personality and may not be as comfortable taking the lead and providing inputs to the relationship, (Remember opposites attract!) However, you should see some signs of their effort no matter how small it is.
A relationship is often like rubber band that connects to people together. Each person must do their part to maintain the tension on the rubber band. That’s the attraction that keeps you two together. If the tension is not maintained, the individuals may soon drift apart, lose their attraction, and lose interest. A good test to determine whether you are in a one-sided relationship is to purposely reduce the tension on the rubber band and see if your partner attempts to take up the slack. Note that I said “attempts” because everyone is not able to take up the slack on their own but everyone should be willing to try if they are committed to the relationship. Look for signs that they are at least trying and are stepping out of their comfort zone. That should tell you whether you are indeed on the path to become overworked and underpaid in your relationship.
If you do attempt this test and your partner does make the attempt you should always applaud them for their efforts and pick an appropriate time to discuss it with them. Let them know what you were trying to accomplish and of course let them know the outcome either way. I always say it’s better to be up front on these things rather than to keep you partner guessing what has happened. If the partner doesn’t show any signs of an attempt, let them know that you didn’t see any signs and that it concerns you. They may indicate that they did make an effort and at that point give them a chance to defend themselves. It may be that the signs were missed and they did try. Always give them the benefit of the doubt. This dialog may ultimately help your relationship to become even stronger. Remember, what you observe is not always the reality; it’s just what you observed. Make sure you have a dialog that ultimately leads you to see the reality.
Take this relationship advice and keep this in mind when you feel you are getting overworked and underpaid in your relationship. Take the necessary steps to ensure that your relationship is not one-sided and that you are not doing all the work to keep it going. A one-sided relationship will soon take its toll on you emotionally, physically, financially, and socially. Remember, the best relationships are built by two individuals who share in the responsibility of keeping the relationship going and are willing to discuss their expectations as well as their limitations.
Hope it helps,
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Tags: one-sided relationship, Overworked and underpaid, Relationship Advice
