Relationship Tips – How to Take Criticism
One of the main problems in relationships is the inability of partners to take feedback and criticism. Many times constructive criticism can end up being destructive to the relationship. This doesn’t have to be the case is we understand what criticism really is.
Lets first define criticism in a way that will make this topic a lot more palatable: “Criticism, the request for adjustment in behavior from another”. Yes, criticism is a normal part of life, part of friction we feel dealing with each other and our own individual preferences. But it doesn’t have to be always seen as a negative event.
The common view of criticism is that it is offensive, an insult, an affront, an attack. Perhaps it is all those things sometimes, but most often, it is none of those, especially when you have the right perspective. In a true relationship, criticism often means that the person cares enough about the relationship to risk causing a negative reaction. Otherwise why bother asking for change?
The key is that we do not give feedback to people we do not want in our lives. We only take the risk to give feedback to the people who we want to keep; who we hope will accommodate our desires, at least somewhat.
We all have issues, we all do things that are not good for us, not good for those around us. And so when someone cares enough to risk giving us feedback, perhaps we should take that as a sign of caring, of love, rather than being offended. Feedback, because it involves so much risk for the person giving feedback, is an act of courage and caring.
Feedback can be an opportunity for building intimacy, if taken correctly. Feedback shows you that you are being seen and being noticed. When someone gives feedback, this can be a door to true intimacy, because intimacy begins with seeing each other.
Want the moment of criticism or feedback to be a door for more intimacy and love in your relationship, as opposed to the moment the relationship breaks or ends? Here’s how. When getting feedback or criticism, open your heart, even thought it may hurt or it may make you feel ashamed that you are not perfect.
Here are 5 simple relationship tips and steps to follow when you receive criticism.
1) Dig deep, look for the reasons you do what you do, share them with the person giving you feedback.
2) Ask him or her what the intent of the criticism or feedback was. Ask him or her what she or he was trying to achieve by verbalizing the feedback. When you hear that he or she wants you, except this one thing needs to change, hear that.
3) Consider perhaps if that one thing is something you already think you need to change for yourself? If so this is just confirmation of what you already know. Take it as such.
4) Ask yourself truthfully, Would your life be better if you changed that thing?
5) Consider whether you should be hurt because someone can see you; because yet another person asks you to change the same thing as many other people have asked for? Or perhaps you could consider being grateful, because you end up with people in your life who care about your enough to ask for an alteration so that they can keep you in their life. Don’t let pride and shame stop you from performing this important step.
Taking feedback and allowing it to mold you into a better, more open, and flexible person is the key. It’s also a great way to build relationships, as you turn potentially relationship-killing situations into opportunities for more closeness.
