Tips for Breaking Off an Unhealthy Relationship
Being in a relationship is great when things are going fine. But we’ve all had our fair share of relationships that go south and turn into unhealthy, unproductive or just a plain ole’ bad relationships. What do you do when you find yourself in this situation? When it gets to that point you should probably break it off, but I agree it’s often times easier said than done. Don’t worry, help is on the way. Here are some relationship tips and insights on how to successfully end a bad relationship. These tips are incorporated in the 5 steps below that will help you break off an unhealthy relationship:
1) Think it through Thoroughly
Weigh the pros and cons of your relationship and understand the bottom line. Will I be better off without this relationship? In Tyler Perry’s movie “Why Did I Get Married?” the troubled couple was asked to take a sheet of paper and draw a line down the center. On one side, put (+) and this represents the “deposits” or the positive things that the person adds to your life. Then, honestly ask yourself, what are all the things you gain from the relationship? What does the person add to your life? How have you grown from the relationship? What are the qualities and attributes that the person possesses? On the other side of the paper, put (-) and this represents the withdrawals or the things that are a drain on you. It could be negative traits, such as the person is untrustworthy, undependable, had cheated. It could be drama or fighting that comes from the relationship. It could be personal sacrifices that you’ve had to make. Or it could be that your mate doesn’t respect you, your time, your money, etc. Whatever it is, put it down and be honest.
Once you’ve written everything out, tally the responses and your (+) should far outweigh your (-). This simple exercise should help you to take inventory of your relationship.
2) Check your motives and “To thine own self be true!”
Often times we stay in less than ideal circumstances because we either don’t think we’re worth it or we’re afraid that we won’t find anything better. But, the real questions you should be considering are, “are you fulfilled in the relationship?” and “does your mate treat with you dignity and respect?” If you can’t answer yes to these questions, then it’s time to start packing. You have to consider your true interests in staying in an unhealthy relationship. Is it simply because you’ve been together for a while and now you’re comfortable? Or could it be that you’ll miss the companionship or a warm body at night? Reexamine your motives for staying, especially if you are being mistreated; not getting the very best; or if you typically find yourself in bad relationships. Ask yourself, “Do I want better for myself?”
Know your worth and realize that you do deserve better. It may be painful, but you can become a better you and attract someone who will treat you the way you deserve. So, spend your time focusing only on what you stand to gain from breaking off the relationship, instead of what you stand to lose and believe that you will be much better off in the end.
3) Plan Your Exit Strategy
Once you’ve decided to get out of the relationship, you have to develop an exit strategy. This involves cutting ties and putting up space between you and your mate. It sounds mean, but its critical to you moving on because otherwise you will end up in a cycle of break-up to make-up. You may need to sever all ties and this might include changing your phone number, putting some distance between the mutual friends that you and your mate shared or even moving into a different apartment. You have to disconnect yourself from the life you and your mate had together, so that you can move on and grow.
4) No, We Can’t Still be Friends!
Sometimes when someone has had a profound effect on your life (whether it’s a positive or negative impact), the fact is that it’s going to be hard to let go. So, don’t complicate matters by trying to “just be friends” right away. The likelihood that your former mate will go from being the love of your life to your homeboy or homegirl overnight is just not that high. The relationship took time to develop and its going to take time for you to get over that person. So, do yourself a favor and don’t try to be friends right away.
5) Turn the Page and Move on
The hardest part of ending a relationship is often the part that involves letting go. There is a natural grieving process over the loss of the relationship because most likely, there were experiences shared and memories made. However, that alone does not warrant you staying in a relationship that is unproductive. Turn the page and move on. Embrace the fact that as you let go, you will be growing and becoming a better you. It’s almost like a purging and cleansing process, because you are getting rid of the old, to make room for the new. You are disposing of the toxins, so that you can welcome the new blessings that are coming your way.
Hope it helps,
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Tags: break off a relationship, breaking up help, ending a bad relationship, help with breaking up unhealthy relationships, letting go of a bad relationship, Relationship Advice, Relationship tips
