After chatting with some high school friends who have been close friends down through the years, I asked an interesting question concerning their relationship issues and here are their responses. The question? What is the secret to their lasting relationships?
Ok, Here’s what I’ve gathered from their responses:
1 ) The friendship must be a true friendship based on love, trust and honesty. This kind of summed it all up for me.
2 ) Family values that are instilled in us play an important role as well. They learned to maintain relationships from watching their families. This is deep! Parents, take notice of how you handle your relationships. Your children are watching!
3 ) Those in the relationship must not be interfering or minding each others business. The busybody syndrome is the number one killer of relationships. Know where to draw the line and DON’T CROSS IT.
4 ) Listening to each other and offering advice when asked; without being judgmental. No black robes here. Always remembering that the tables could be turned. Those shoes they are walking in could one day be yours. Understanding and overall acceptance are important keys.
5 ) Not infringing or taking advantage of the friendship. This is often the case when friends enter business relationships. Relationships are strained when friends expects “freebees” or special treatment above what the service provider is able to accommodate. Likewise, the same thing happens when a service is provided and the level of professionalism is reduced because, after all, “he’s my friend”. By all means, Never, Never, Never borrow or loan money if you know that it will destroy your relationship if one party or the other does not fulfill their obligations. Avoid this pitfall by all means and treat your friend with the same level of respect and courtesy as you would anyone else (if not more).
6 ) Communication! Keeping in touch regularly is the simplest way to achieve a lasting relationship. Learning to communicate in different ways (phone, email, text, snail mail, etc..) and for different reasons (birthday, anniversaries, holidays, special events, and “just because” days) keeps the relationship alive.
7 ) Keeping each others most intimate secrets. The true sign of loyalty in a relationships is the ability to keep things to yourself. The worst wounds that a person can obtain are the wounds of a close friend who tells your secrets. Be loyal and keep it to yourself.
8 ) Keeping it real, and never being phony. Be consistently you and don’t try to be anyone else. Relationships that last are built of the character of the persons involved. If you’re character is unstable so will your relationships be.
9 ) Relationships thrive in secure environments. Having each others back, and being committed to doing them no harm are the ingredients for a secure environment. These two factors must be demonstrated on a consistent basis before either party will let his defenses down. So do all you can to cultivate this environment and your relationship will thrive.
10) Being willing to step up and give a pull up before they mess up! and being able to accept one when we need it. This is pretty self explanatory. Be there for your friend when they need it and allow your friend to be there for you. Not being afraid to confront or to be confronted in situations is a true sign of a mature and lasting relationship.
