I found this article to be right on point and filled with good advice for women when it comes to communicating with men. It clearly explains how to tell him what you want and how you feel without shutting him down. Thought I’d share it with you.
For so long, women have asked this simple, but elusive question, “Why does he shut down when I start to talk about how I feel and what I want?” What seems so perplexing is that they can remember a time (usually early in their dating relationship) when they felt they could say anything to him without hesitation. In addition, they can also remember that he actually seemed to enjoy these discussions that were often full of emotions. So they are left to ask themselves – “Why did he change?” or even worse…”What did I do wrong?”
Let me explain what’s happening to him during this process.
Men have the capacity to feel emotions for shorter periods of time than women. Put another way, when men feel, they feel intensely, and then they crash. This applies to sex, when they feel romantic and applies anything else in their life that arouses their passions. Even though I hear women tell me that they understand this point, I have found it is still hard for them to accept when this scenario happens in their relationships.
When a man is very attentive and hyper focused on what you are saying, I want you to remember this…it isn’t going to last. Even though it feels wonderful to be adored in such a captivating manner that is often intoxicating, you must remind yourself not to expect it to last indefinitely. The good news is that if you know how to respond when he does pull away, you will hasten his emotional awakening to you.
The process looks like this:
A man feels intensely about you.
Then he cools off (he needs to take an emotional break).
Then he warms up again and feels intensely.
Then he cools off.
Continue and repeat.
Here is some good advice for women about the things you shouldn’t do. In fact, if you take the following actions, he’ll stay emotionally distant for much longer:
1) Don’t ask him to explain his feelings.
2) Don’t tell him how much it hurts you when he doesn’t talk.
3) Don’t beg him to ……..(Really, don’t ever beg him for anything. You’ll end up driving him away)
Instead you should do the following. When he is quiet, sit with him. Don’t say anything. When you do this, both of you will find that it becomes just a bit tense – uncomfortable. You want this to happen. Silence is uncomfortable but in this case silence is your friend. If you can practice allowing there to be silence between both of you, you will notice him beginning to ask you questions.
“What’s wrong,” he’ll say.
“What?”
When he does, just smile. He’s not ready just yet, but he is curious. Now you’ll have him thinking and wondering. Most women would never consider such a tactic, which is what will make you stand out in his eyes. Shortly, he’ll not only start talking, but he’ll find himself focused on you.
